This little piece of mine

Time is breathing down my neck.

Prioritising has never been a strong point of mine, namely due to the fact that I do not know what I want. Another of my flaws is that I am quite terrible in dealing with friendships and this past month has opened so many new ones to me. I’ve said it the last time and I’ll say it again, I’m not ready to let it go. For once I hope to make it work beyond the end date, the forced meet ups that turn strangers into easy friends has became something quite unique that cannot be put into simple words (just yet).

By the end of my 8 weeks (and possible 2 days), I may not be able to produce a physical proof of how amazing my summer has been, but perhaps if I cling on to the intangible it would be worth so much more. I wonder what I did to deserve the kind of opportunities that have been placed in front of me on an open wide scale waiting for me to reach out and picked up. The things I have seen, heard and learnt has just been too amazing to comprehend and justify the short amount of time of access I had. No matter how things go down in the next 2 weeks and possible 2 days, I know that it has been an absolutely valuable journey that I probably will not be able to retrace. 

More and more I am coming to realise that I’m really just a small town girl swimming around in the ocean with some really big fish. My wide open eyes play evidence to that, sometimes accompanied by a tinge of insecurity. The emotional turbulence inside me are playing a much more manageable tune, but by no means does it depict a sense of calm and serenity. I am still as lost as ever, just less worrisome (somehow.)

"You’re 17 on the coast and the full moon is a large gold plate in the sky spinning. You’re passing around a bottle of whatever you could get your hands on with 6 of your best friends, sitting next to the boy or girl you like. And this is it– constellations like roman candles exploding and the tide tip toes gently back and forth. You’re here. In a month they’re gonna start calling you grownup, or fuck up, depending on how quickly you adapt, and their motto on dreams will turn from “reach for the stars” to “keep your day job.” You’ll learn to miss house parties, drinking out of red cups, and trust me music never tastes as good as it does when you are 17 and in love. But it’s not all bad. You’ll have your freedom, the most valuable asset you can own as long as you remember how to spend it wisely. Travel, pick up and just leave from time to time, never lose the spontaneity and sense of adventure that brought you to this very coast, tonight. And good luck. Because perhaps to be young forever does not require the magic of Neverland or a strange elixir, but is something that we can always find in our hearts."
Beau Taplin || Forever young (via afadthatlastsforever)
"Iron his copy of the Financial Times. –OldTraineeAccountant"

Team bonding at the brothel, anyone? The worst things your horrible bosses made you do | Commentisfree | The Guardian

And I thought my diva-esque bosses are bad. (though one keeps threatening to get one of us to wash her car, frankly i wouldn’t mind at all)

In complete honesty, The Book Thief was not the most exciting book I read. Maybe I lack understanding and depth needed to fully connect with it. I am looking to pick it up again in the future, maybe next time it will be better.

Middle Class

My goals for this summer were to learn how to think critically (solid measure: ask good questions) and to be more informed about the state of my country, particular with regards to politics. While the end destination is still a far reach away, I know progress has definitely been made, and will continue thereafter. I have begun to form questions in my head albeit still feeling too insecure to voice them out, and having access to certain people and hearing them talk about political issues has shot my knowledge up a thousand times. 

I am too aware of the numbered days I have left on my internship programme, a reason being that I cannot wait to get on my proper holiday (though admittedly I did have a taste of it before coming back). The daily intensity has served an exponential learning curve while draining the energy as I find myself sleeping for most parts of my day (and when I do not I practically turn up dead to work, and useless). Having demanding/snappy bosses is really something I find hard to deal with, even after learning (surprisingly) that they think I am doing a good job, I know it only means the level must not drop and needs to be improved on (yes improved). Besides, I still have two full weeks to go.

Perhaps it may not be too late to add another goal to the list, I found that I am extremely socially awkward. I always knew I was to a certain degree but it is an area I really need to work on. Approaching people, even the ones I know, is a tough arse for me for almost no logical reason at all.

The end is too close and too far at the same time. Strangers who have became friends are leaving, and leaving the country at that. I am not quite so ready to let go of the something special I am experiencing. 

Its getting late, in radio morning show terms, I hope to wake up bright and early (dark and early more like) for another tough day tomorrow.


Upper Class

The city life is all encompassing in nature for me, getting sucked into high quality drive pushing me outside my comfort zone every single day. I collect lessons like plucking leaves from an overgrown tree, until my bags are filled with experiences and knowledge. However, big shiny cars and sky scraping buildings play their sweetest songs coaxing me into materialistic dreams. How a divide can exist between aspirations of a baller and simple life is beyond me. The effortless sway between both sides is driving me into a far corner on my own, shutting away conversations with people other than myself. 

I find myself wishing for many things that I thought I have long thrown away. Eerily, some came true almost immediately and I catch myself with the warning to be careful what I wish for. An intersection looms ahead of me with decisions waiting to be made, something I know I am terrible at doing. All I want is to feel safe, ironically my tendency to seek thrills through new experiences doesn’t necessarily warrants me that luxury.

"People show that they like you in all kinds of different ways. But some basic ones are … they want to hear your stories. They care how you feel. They want to make your day better. They want to listen to your problems. They reach out to you. … One nice definition of love, I think, is that another person’s happiness is more important to your own."
"I thank you for being the God of ends and beginnings. I thank you for being the One who teaches me ends are not to be feared, but beginnings to be embraced. I thank you for reminding me in the midst of ends and beginnings that you are the end and the beginning."
Part of a recent prayer. (via churchjanitor)